2003 Z4 Passenger Door Stuck Shut

[10Terp]

Hi everybody.

I have a problem that's driving me crazy. I shut the passenger door on my Z4 recently and I can't get it open now. Neither the interior nor exterior door handles will actuate the latch to open the door. When you go to unlock the door with the key, the lock stalk will pop 3 times and doesn't seem to actually unlock. Here's a video of what it does: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/gG7rGYzClOY

I took the door card off (no easy task when the door is stuck shut), and put my boroscope inside the door. All of the cables are actuating the lock mechanism fully, and I also managed to contort my arm into the door and actuate the door latch lever manually and it still wouldn't let go.

Things I've tried:
1) Manually actuating the latch lever with my hand shoved into the door.
2) Using a hammer to hit the visible mounting bolts of the latch while actuating the latch at the spot where the interior handle cable mates up.
3) Contacting a GM5 module repair person, who said, based on my video, it appears the lock mechanism is broken and that my problem is NOT in the GM5 module. Although he said to read the BMW codes and my Creator C310+ for some reason freezes up when trying to read the body module computer ("ZKE").
4) Every button, key, and door unlock combo I could think of.
5) Applying pressure on the door in every which way while actuating the latch.

I'm running out of ideas here, and pretty soon I'm worry I'll have to go the route of this guy:

Open to any input.

Thanks!