ZPOST
BMW Garage BMW Meets Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Go Back   ZPOST > BIMMERPOST Universal Forums > Off-Topic Discussions Board
  TireRack

SUPPORT ZPOST BY DOING YOUR TIRERACK SHOPPING FROM THIS BANNER, THANKS!
Post Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
      05-04-2022, 03:00 AM   #309
M5Rick
Lieutenant General
M5Rick's Avatar
Ukraine
32571
Rep
12,781
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
My therapist says I have a preoccupation for revenge. We'll see about that.
Appreciate 8
KRS_SN6295.00
cmyx6go12063.50
BMWGUYinCO1736.50
Esteban16516.50
Dpc2u9160.50
Buug95910121.50
      05-04-2022, 06:19 AM   #310
KRS_SN
Colonel
6295
Rep
2,797
Posts

Drives: G05,F15
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Glasgow

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
  [0.00]
A friend of mine was never happy with one watch. He used three, sometimes four pocket watches to tell the hour correctly.

We always said he had too much time on his hands.
Appreciate 5
cmyx6go12063.50
BMWGUYinCO1736.50
M5Rick32570.50
3.0L5725.00
Dpc2u9160.50
      05-04-2022, 09:03 AM   #311
Mandi90TT
Colonel
United_States
2603
Rep
2,364
Posts

Drives: BSM 6MT M4 F82
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Colorado Springs

iTrader: (0)

Why couldn't Luke Skywalker find love?


He was looking in Alderaan places.
__________________
2015 Black Sapphire Metallic 6MT M4
Appreciate 2
      05-04-2022, 10:36 AM   #312
M5Rick
Lieutenant General
M5Rick's Avatar
Ukraine
32571
Rep
12,781
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Appreciate 0
      05-04-2022, 11:07 AM   #313
Esteban
Major General
Esteban's Avatar
16517
Rep
7,078
Posts

Drives: Not a BMW
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Golden State

iTrader: (0)

A man walks into a bar, after buying a beer he looks around the bar and sees three men and a dog playing cards.

Amazed, the man wanders over and starts watching the game.

After watching the game for ten minutes, the man leans over to one of the other players and whispers "wow that dog is really smart." The man whispers back "he isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."
__________________
Appreciate 6
cmyx6go12063.50
M5Rick32570.50
Dino GT23844.00
3.0L5725.00
Dpc2u9160.50
      05-04-2022, 12:20 PM   #314
3.0L
Colonel
3.0L's Avatar
United_States
5725
Rep
2,045
Posts

Drives: M235i, 18k miles
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
__________________
///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic

“Once you've accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you”
Appreciate 1
KRS_SN6295.00
      05-04-2022, 12:22 PM   #315
3.0L
Colonel
3.0L's Avatar
United_States
5725
Rep
2,045
Posts

Drives: M235i, 18k miles
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”

“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
__________________
///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic

“Once you've accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you”
Appreciate 5
Esteban16516.50
KRS_SN6295.00
M5Rick32570.50
Buug95910121.50
      05-04-2022, 03:55 PM   #316
aguywalksintoabar
Banned
United_States
1675
Rep
84
Posts

Drives: BMW
Join Date: Apr 2022
Location: Location

iTrader: (0)

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos.
*poof*
.. He disappeared without a tres!
Appreciate 6
Esteban16516.50
M5Rick32570.50
KRS_SN6295.00
3.0L5725.00
kring277.50
      05-04-2022, 04:08 PM   #317
aguywalksintoabar
Banned
United_States
1675
Rep
84
Posts

Drives: BMW
Join Date: Apr 2022
Location: Location

iTrader: (0)

The other day, my wife
asked me to pass her
lipstick but I accidentally
passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Appreciate 8
M5Rick32570.50
Esteban16516.50
UncleWede14698.50
KRS_SN6295.00
vreihen169079.00
Dino GT23844.00
3.0L5725.00
      05-04-2022, 05:52 PM   #318
KRS_SN
Colonel
6295
Rep
2,797
Posts

Drives: G05,F15
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Glasgow

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
  [0.00]
This morning I found a suitcase in the woods containing 6 kittens.

I called the ASPCA and they asked "are they moving?"

I said "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase
Appreciate 6
Dpc2u9160.50
Dino GT23844.00
Esteban16516.50
M5Rick32570.50
      05-05-2022, 11:39 AM   #319
Dino GT
Private
Dino GT's Avatar
23844
Rep
96
Posts

Drives: BMW
Join Date: Dec 2020
Location: Eastern

iTrader: (0)

A boy had to do a special report for school, so he goes to his dad and asks him if he can ask him a question.
The dad said yes, what's the question son?
What is politics?
His dad says; Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me capitalism. Your mom is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We take care of you and your needs, so let's call you the people. We call the maid the working class, and your baby brother the future. Do you understand son?
I'm not really sure dad, I'll have to think about it said the son.
That night awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that his baby brother had soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents room and found his mother sound asleep. He then went to the maids room and peeking through the keyhole he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy knocked on the maids door but no one came to the door. So the boy went back to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he says to his dad; dad, I think I understand politics.
His dad is all proud and says; Good boy!
Can you explain it to me son?
Well dad, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is full of shit.
__________________
"It is more fun to drive a slow car fast than to drive a fast car slow."
Appreciate 5
KRS_SN6295.00
Dpc2u9160.50
Addbuyer209.00
Buug95910121.50
      05-05-2022, 12:02 PM   #320
rwheels
Captain
6520
Rep
996
Posts

Drives: E93 M3
Join Date: May 2020
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE COURTROOM!

Amber Heard confesses to having a child with Charlie Sheen. The child went to live with his father, and took his name*.

































*Both parents agreed that the child should be sheen, and not heard.

Last edited by rwheels; 05-05-2022 at 12:18 PM..
Appreciate 8
BMWGUYinCO1736.50
KRS_SN6295.00
cmyx6go12063.50
Esteban16516.50
Mandi90TT2602.50
Buug95910121.50
Kilabyte3209.50
      05-05-2022, 12:06 PM   #321
BMWGUYinCO
Private First Class
BMWGUYinCO's Avatar
1737
Rep
155
Posts

Drives: 2022 BMW M850 Convertible
Join Date: Apr 2020
Location: Colorado

iTrader: (0)

Now THAT is genuinely Laugh Out Loud funny!!!
Appreciate 0
      05-05-2022, 12:38 PM   #322
rwheels
Captain
6520
Rep
996
Posts

Drives: E93 M3
Join Date: May 2020
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

Blonde
Attached Images
 
Appreciate 8
KRS_SN6295.00
M5Rick32570.50
Esteban16516.50
Dino GT23844.00
Dpc2u9160.50
Buug95910121.50
Kilabyte3209.50
      05-05-2022, 01:28 PM   #323
M5Rick
Lieutenant General
M5Rick's Avatar
Ukraine
32571
Rep
12,781
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
The problem isn't that obesity runs in your family. It's that no one runs in your family.
Appreciate 7
BMWGUYinCO1736.50
Esteban16516.50
vreihen169079.00
Dpc2u9160.50
3.0L5725.00
Kilabyte3209.50
      05-05-2022, 03:57 PM   #324
KRS_SN
Colonel
6295
Rep
2,797
Posts

Drives: G05,F15
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Glasgow

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
  [0.00]
Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, "How many wives can a man have?"

His friend answered, "Sixteen.... four better, four worse, four richer and four poorer."
Appreciate 4
Esteban16516.50
Dpc2u9160.50
M5Rick32570.50
      05-06-2022, 07:49 AM   #325
vreihen16
Recovering Perfectionist
vreihen16's Avatar
Ukraine
9079
Rep
752
Posts

Drives: 2015 BMW i3 BEV
Join Date: Jun 2019
Location: Orange County, NY

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
__________________
2015 BMW i3 BEV, Giga World (Lodge interior), Tech/Driving Assist Packages, 20K miles
Appreciate 9
KRS_SN6295.00
BMWGUYinCO1736.50
M5Rick32570.50
Buug95910121.50
Dpc2u9160.50
Dino GT23844.00
Kilabyte3209.50
      05-06-2022, 03:47 PM   #326
M5Rick
Lieutenant General
M5Rick's Avatar
Ukraine
32571
Rep
12,781
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her...or something like that.
Appreciate 3
Dpc2u9160.50
Kilabyte3209.50
      05-06-2022, 07:38 PM   #327
3.0L
Colonel
3.0L's Avatar
United_States
5725
Rep
2,045
Posts

Drives: M235i, 18k miles
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

Quote:
Originally Posted by M5Rick View Post
Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her...or something like that.
https://kennedyarchives.com/document/10959

__________________
///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic

“Once you've accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you”
Appreciate 1
Buug95910121.50
      05-06-2022, 08:07 PM   #328
3.0L
Colonel
3.0L's Avatar
United_States
5725
Rep
2,045
Posts

Drives: M235i, 18k miles
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: California

iTrader: (0)

Why can't a tyrannosaurus clap?



Its extinct.
__________________
///M235i | Mineral Grey Metallic | Premium Package | Technology Package | Driver Assistance Package | Dakota Coral Red/Black Leather | Harman/Kardon Premium 360 watt sound system | 8-speed automatic

“Once you've accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you”
Appreciate 2
      05-07-2022, 01:49 AM   #329
M5Rick
Lieutenant General
M5Rick's Avatar
Ukraine
32571
Rep
12,781
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
Quote:
Originally Posted by 3.0L View Post
To some folk meaningless talk is like breathing, if they stop they think they may die..hey a result!
Appreciate 0
      05-07-2022, 01:54 AM   #330
M5Rick
Lieutenant General
M5Rick's Avatar
Ukraine
32571
Rep
12,781
Posts

Drives: M5 F10 Gunmetal
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Southern England

iTrader: (0)

Garage List
I got a new pair of gloves today but they are both 'lefts',which on the one hand is great but on the other it's just not right.
Appreciate 5
Esteban16516.50
Buug95910121.50
Dpc2u9160.50
KRS_SN6295.00
Post Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:02 AM.




zpost
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
1Addicts.com, BIMMERPOST.com, E90Post.com, F30Post.com, M3Post.com, ZPost.com, 5Post.com, 6Post.com, 7Post.com, XBimmers.com logo and trademark are properties of BIMMERPOST