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It's been a bit, but it's finally been diagnosed. I took my car to a bmw specialist locally because I was afraid of damaging the shorting block. They hooked the car up and very quickly pinpointed my issue to the Safety Information Module(or Airbag Control Unit) near the center console behind and under the ebrake.
I'll be going forward with replacing it, as removing the module made the issues go away. The service was quoted at $1600, however I can buy the module for 800 and do it myself. It will require coding though.
Anyway, that's that. I hate threads that are loose ends, so hopefully that ties this up. I'll report back if shit hits the fan though.
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