Happy Valentine's Day ...OK, time to share

[BZZZE]

Originally Posted by soeharyo

valentine's day is 'single awareness day'.

My ex broke up with me on valentine's 3 years ago; 3 days before my birthday.

Did you thank her for the 'gift'? (As in GFs are frequently and cheaply replaced accessories as opposed to wives!)

[Reach]

Originally Posted by jsoltan

Oops! Forgot another one!

Best post yet

[ianbiz]

Originally Posted by soeharyo

valentine's day is 'single awareness day'.

My ex broke up with me on valentine's 3 years ago; 3 days before my birthday.

Well you saved money, and something else

[F87LUV]

whats valentines day?

[Hawkeye]

I'll have to wait for April Fools day. I have a killer story about that. I don't know if I have had a g/f on Valentines in over 6 years now...

[F87LUV]

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

I'll have to wait for April Fools day. I have a killer story about that. I don't know if I have had a g/f on Valentines in over 6 years now...

Too bad youre playing hard to get. I wouldve been your valetine.

[Hawkeye]

I don't know what happened ZGirl... the flowers and chocolates must have gotten lost in the mail

There is always next year...

[F87LUV]

Psssssssh... I dont need flowers [they die] and certainly no chocolate [if i want a hot body] but I will take one hottie with a coupe and a bike.

[shiyan]

my worst Valentine's Day story happened this Valentine's Day, and it's almost too embarrassing to tell

[Hawkeye]

almost being the key word....

[F87LUV]

pm meeeeeeeeeeeeeee i love gossip

[SoCalSizzle]

Originally Posted by shiyan

my worst Valentine's Day story happened this Valentine's Day, and it's almost too embarrassing to tell

Almost only counts in horseshoes and nuclear weapons....let's have it shiyan

[rosierobins2003]

Originally Posted by SoCalSizzle

Almost only counts in horseshoes and nuclear weapons....let's have it shiyan

Ditto....SPILL!!!

Rosie

[shiyan]

Alright here goes

It's rather embarrassing as I have no social skills. I'm awfully shy when I'm trying to start a convo with a girl I don't know, and it's something I'm trying to overcome. I forced myself to go through with it all as part of the learning process.

You'll probably cringe while reading this, that's how awkward I am. But I'm doing all I can to change this, by actively going out more and talking to more strangers.

Here goes:

Until now, I've only ever asked out 5 girls, all of them I knew pretty well beforehand. 2 turned into 2 year relationships, 1 was a short fling, 2 turned me down. 2 days before this year's Valentine's day, I decided to ask out a total stranger, a girl that I've seen working at an international magazine store that I go to monthly (for F1 Racing, and sometimes other car related magazines like Top Gear).

I got shot down HARD

me: "hi, where do I find magazines on cooking?"
she shows me where
me: "can I pay for this downstairs?"
her: "yeah"
me: "hey, I've been coming to this store for a while now, and I still don't know your name, would you mind telling me your name? "
her: "why do you need to know my name? "
me: "I only asked for your name "
her: "That's personal. I'm the only girl in the shop, if you need to ask something about me you can ask my colleagues"
me: "o....k...."
me: "look, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I only wanted to know your name cause I wanted to ask you out on a date" <- she probably missed the most important part as she started her sentence.
her: "oh , don't worry about it, it's already forgotten"
me:

It was all rather awkward at this point, I figured she's got no interest at all, and was weirded out by me asking for her name. I was not planning on going back anytime soon (not for another month at least)

But then a few close friends and my parents encouraged me to go back and make my intentions more clear... they said as I hadn't introduced myself, so most Belgians would have reacted the same way.

I decided that despite the danger of being cussed out this 2nd time, I'll give it a try just for the experience as this was my first ever time asking out a complete stranger. But I decided I needed to get the opinions of lots of local girls in their early 20s first - I'd get honest opinions from strangers who are also Belgian, plus it helps with me working on my social interaction nervousness.

So Valentine's day afternoon, I approached 2 female shop assistants in their 30s, 6 in their 20s, 3 girls who were out shopping, 2 guys, and 3 couples I saw on the street, and asked for their opinions. All except for 1 girl, 1 guy and 1 couple told me I should try again. All of them wished me good luck and one of the shop assistants asked me to tell her how it goes.

So I went back to try again.

The situation was a little different than I expected once I got to the magazine store though, she was downstairs this time, and another shop assistant that I knew the name of was in the next room. I hesitated for a bit, pretended to look at a few magazines, but then managed to gather up enough courage to speak to her

me: "hey...."
*she turns around to face me*
me: "hi, I'm not actually here to buy another magazine, I wanted to try asking you out for a date again "
me: "I'm Shi, I think you're really cute and I wanted to know you better And... you don't have to tell me your name "
her:
*other guy comes into this room to arrange some magazines*
me: "Oh hey Dirk, I'm just gonna get shot down a 2nd time "
Dirk: "huh? "
me: "I'm trying to ask her out for a date "
Dirk: "Oh that's gonna be very difficult, she's married "
her: *shows me the ring*"yep, married "
me: "Ah Well, your husband is a lucky man, and it was a pleasure meeting you "

I felt much better afterwards, as she was a lot more friendly the 2nd time I went there, and it won't be awkward the next time I need to buy a magazine. Plus I think I'm definitely getting less nervous about talking to random strangers after talking to so many.

A few things:

I couldn't just check whether she wore a ring beforehand and then proceed, because it doesn't always work here (Flanders in Belgium) - there are girls who wear rings on their ring finger even when they're single. I asked some girls about it and they said it does not always have to mean the girl is in a relationship, so it's not as clear cut as in the US.

I wasn't oblivious to the embarrassment, and I knew there was almost no chance of her being interested after she refused to tell me her name. But I decided that I had to try and learn something, and just bear the embarrassment that goes along with it.

[SoCalSizzle]

[rosierobins2003]

Originally Posted by shiyan

Alright here goes

Wow.....totally applaud you for knowing what you need to work on and for your not giving up. I guess you have learned to check for the ring first. I've always had a hard time taking a peak at the finger....it seems too personal.

And I for one, would hate to have to ask a guy out...heck I hate even having to ask one to dance. So I try to be nice once I realize one is attempting. AND a guy that is awkward about it rather then boldly brazen is even more cute because of that.

What about you other gals? Am I alone on this one?

Rosie

[shiyan]

feel free to laugh and poke, cause that was failure on a massive scale

as for checking for rings... I stopped checking for rings once I found out that it wasn't a reliable indicator of a girl's relationship status here

I'll probably check for rings in the future, and when I see a ring, use it as an opener, something like "couldn't help but notice your ring cause you seem quite young - are you married or is that to scare guys off?"

^probably still needs to be thought through a bit more but that's the general idea.

[F87LUV]

Wow

I am in no way poking fun at you Shi. You sure are persistent though! I mean even getting the opinions of random people. It must suck to be a guy and have to do the approaching plus the possibility of being turned down. Its good that youre making an effort but i wouldnt have went back a second time esp since she was being very defensive. How old are you btw? The key is being cool [as in calm] and confident.

[F87LUV]

Originally Posted by shiyan

feel free to laugh and poke, cause that was failure on a massive scale

as for checking for rings... I stopped checking for rings once I found out that it wasn't a reliable indicator of a girl's relationship status here

I'll probably check for rings in the future, and when I see a ring, use it as an opener, something like "couldn't help but notice your ring cause you seem quite young - are you married or is that to scare guys off?"
^probably still needs to be thought through a bit more but that's the general idea.

That line would probably piss me off actually. Your delivery needs much work, grasshopper.

[soeharyo]

good luck in a different store!

[shiyan]

Originally Posted by ZGirl4U

Wow

I am in no way poking fun at you Shi. You sure are persistent though! I mean even getting the opinions of random people. It must suck to be a guy and have to do the approaching plus the possibility of being turned down. Its good that youre making an effort but i wouldnt have went back a second time esp since she was being very defensive. How old are you btw? The key is being cool [as in calm] and confident.

Originally Posted by ZGirl4U

That line would probably piss me off actually. Your delivery needs much work, grasshopper.

Thanks for the feedback, cause I certainly need the help

I'm currently trying to figure out how to find out the relationship status of a girl (who wears a ring) without causing offence... perhaps what I thought up might work after some conversation has preceeded it?

Approaching random people on the street is something I never did before. People encouraged me to do so to get rid of my nervousness when talking to complete strangers so I forced myself to go through with it. I now find it a lot less intimidating to start a conversation with a random stranger.

I certainly don't plan on being this persistent in the future, I went back a 2nd time as I was not clear enough and left it at such an awkward point the first time. I think I did succeed on clearing the awkwardness - she was a lot more friendly the 2nd time after I made my intentions perfectly clear.

Ah, I forgot to mention, I talked to her in English, but she's used to speaking Dutch. Perhaps this contributed to her defensiveness the first time round.

The whole thing was rather embarrassing but I was able to learn quite a lot from the experience, if I were to do it again I'd approach it very differently:
- Make some small talk from the first time I go to the shop, perhaps even just a "hello", rather than not say anything for the first so many visits. This way I hope to be able to see if she's hostile or not.
- not leave things to so close to Valentine's day
- find out her relationship status somehow
- not to ask for a name until some familiarity is reached
etc

I'm 25, but had only asked out girls I knew rather well via school before now, and that was all a lot easier for me. Success rate was also a lot better

I think once I've had more practice approaching random people (both male and female, just to talk), I'll be more naturally calm and confident when talking to someone I'd want to date.

[shiyan]

Originally Posted by soeharyo

good luck in a different store!

thanks haha