[shiyan]

First of all, to everyone that replied to my post, thank you all so much for taking the time to answer, I appreciate each and every response.

Originally Posted by BigLeo48

Shiyan,

to me, asking total strangers in public places is a total waste of time. The odds that you get a date and that you are somewhat compatible is a long shot. Most people meet via work or other activities where you can get the know the other person a little first (as you mentioned in your last message). I'll tell you how I met my wife and you can tell me if it's a good idea (my kids hate this story).

I moved to a new small city as a career move. I didn't know anyone and I played baseball, so I joined a mens league. One of the office girls noticed that I played and mentioned to me that her ladies team's coach moved away and they were looking for a replacement. At first I was too shy to say yes, but she worked on me and I eventually gave in. But once I thought about it, I figured 20 young women giving me their full attention! What could be better My wife had just came home for the summer after finishing University and loved sports too and for the same reasons, joined the ladies ball team. The rest is history.

My point is that this all started with my intention to so something I liked (sports). BTW, I met a few girls in coed sports in the past, before I met my wife.

You're working hard at it, but you need to work smarter and put yourself in a position to meet women while doing something you like. If it doesn't happen, then you're having fun anyway.

Big Leo

thanks for the tip

talking to strangers is something I plan to work on whether I ask out girls or not though

I think I basically need to increase my social circle, but sometimes I just don't seem to enjoy what the locals enjoy (going to a cafe to get drunk - I can't stand much alcohol)

Originally Posted by Hawkeye

I would have definitely gone back the second time... but I think talking to and asking total strangers for advice on the topic took more balls than actually asking her out! Haha.

Well done. Believe me, you are not the only person to have asked out a married woman before... (multiple times)

thanks for the support

Originally Posted by BZZZE

C'mon girls, share your secrets with Shiyan! LOL

Originally Posted by SoCalSizzle

Oh give him a break ZGirl, he's a guy. And guys, just so you know, (I think I can speak for most of us on the softer side) we'd rather you simply be honest, tell us you're interested in us and just ask if we're seeing anyone.

Playas are playas and just make me tired...so not worth the effort.

I'll try this, after some small talk

Originally Posted by pbdm4k

"So you have a boyfriend?"
if she says yes...
"Oh... well... give me a call when you're ready for a manfriend!"


Not like I'd ever use that line though...

But Shiyan, I don't think its a big deal about asking for a girl's name when you don't know them that well.

If anything, I say introduce yourself first, "By the way, I'm ..." put yourself out there first so she won't jump on the defensive. Most cases they'll take the hint and introduce themselves too.

Be friendly, don't be creepy. Too friendly is creepy. Rather then saying "go for a date" why not make it a little more subtle? Ask her to maybe join you for a coffee?

Originally Posted by rosierobins2003

PBDM4K you've got it.....introduce yourself first and asking for coffee is less threatening than asking for a date.

BIGLEO - I love your story....I've heard that best to be doing what you like doing to meet someone.

Hawkeye - you've been married a while, huh? I agree with Socal and Z4Girl that the line fishing for if you're available is best done straight up. Just ask, don't be a playa.

Rosie

yeah I forgot to introduce myself and probably came off as a total creep, had she given me her name I'd probably have suggested some tea and ice cream

Originally Posted by karmasabish

Shiyan we all get shot down from time to time. The key is to keep up your confidence, be polite, charming, and honest. I give you alot of credit of what you did...it can be pretty scary.

But keep trying with new ladies that you're interested in! the worst that can happen is they say no, and you've not really lost anything. You'll get better at doing it, and every no is one step closer to a yes.

Thanks for the advice and support

The thing with confidence is that I think it comes with success, and that's why I plan on talking to strangers as much as possible. I'll slowly get better at striking up a conversation with any random guy or girl, so I'll naturally be more at ease when in a social situation.

At the moment I'm too nervous in the presence of someone I'm attracted to, to be "confident" and "charming", and that's what I'm trying to change.