Alright here goes
It's rather embarrassing as I have no social skills. I'm awfully shy when I'm trying to start a convo with a girl I don't know, and it's something I'm trying to overcome. I forced myself to go through with it all as part of the learning process.
You'll probably cringe while reading this, that's how awkward I am. But I'm doing all I can to change this, by actively going out more and talking to more strangers.
Here goes:
Until now, I've only ever asked out 5 girls, all of them I knew pretty well beforehand. 2 turned into 2 year relationships, 1 was a short fling, 2 turned me down. 2 days before this year's Valentine's day, I decided to ask out a total stranger, a girl that I've seen working at an international magazine store that I go to monthly (for F1 Racing, and sometimes other car related magazines like Top Gear).
I got shot down HARD
me: "hi,
where do I find magazines on cooking?"
she shows me where
me: "can I pay for this downstairs?"
her: "yeah"
me: "hey, I've been coming to this store for a while now, and I still don't know your name, would you mind telling me your name?
"
her: "why do you need to know my name?
"
me: "I only asked for your name
"
her: "That's personal. I'm the only girl in the shop, if you need to ask something about me you can ask my colleagues"
me: "o....k...."
me: "look, sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I only wanted to know your name cause I wanted to ask you out on a date" <- she probably missed the most important part as she started her sentence.
her: "oh
, don't worry about it, it's already forgotten"
me:
It was all rather awkward at this point, I figured she's got no interest at all, and was weirded out by me asking for her name. I was not planning on going back anytime soon (not for another month at least)
But then a few close friends and my parents encouraged me to go back and make my intentions more clear... they said as I hadn't introduced myself, so most Belgians would have reacted the same way.
I decided that despite the danger of being cussed out this 2nd time, I'll give it a try just for the experience as this was my first ever time asking out a complete stranger. But I decided I needed to get the opinions of lots of local girls in their early 20s first - I'd get honest opinions from strangers who are also Belgian, plus it helps with me working on my social interaction nervousness.
So Valentine's day afternoon, I approached 2 female shop assistants in their 30s, 6 in their 20s, 3 girls who were out shopping, 2 guys, and 3 couples I saw on the street, and asked for their opinions. All except for 1 girl, 1 guy and 1 couple told me I should try again. All of them wished me good luck and one of the shop assistants asked me to tell her how it goes.
So I went back to try again.
The situation was a little different than I expected once I got to the magazine store though, she was downstairs this time, and another shop assistant that I knew the name of was in the next room. I hesitated for a bit, pretended to look at a few magazines, but then managed to gather up enough courage to speak to her
me: "hey...."
*she turns around to face me*
me: "hi, I'm not actually here to buy another magazine, I wanted to try asking you out for a date again
"
me: "I'm Shi, I think you're really cute and I wanted to know you better And... you don't have to tell me your name
"
her:
*other guy comes into this room to arrange some magazines*
me: "Oh hey Dirk, I'm just gonna get shot down a 2nd time "
Dirk: "huh?
"
me: "I'm trying to ask her out for a date
"
Dirk: "Oh that's gonna be very difficult, she's married
"
her: *shows me the ring*"yep, married "
me: "Ah Well, your husband is a lucky man, and it was a pleasure meeting you "
I felt much better afterwards, as she was a lot more friendly the 2nd time I went there, and it won't be awkward the next time I need to buy a magazine. Plus I think I'm definitely getting less nervous about talking to random strangers after talking to so many.
A few things:
I couldn't just check whether she wore a ring beforehand and then proceed, because it doesn't always work here (Flanders in Belgium) - there are girls who wear rings on their ring finger even when they're single. I asked some girls about it and they said it does not always have to mean the girl is in a relationship, so it's not as clear cut as in the US.
I wasn't oblivious to the embarrassment, and I knew there was almost no chance of her being interested after she refused to tell me her name. But I decided that I had to try and learn something, and just bear the embarrassment that goes along with it.